2 years’ break a charm


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I thought I was “entitled” to a break.

What it was in reality, was me giving up cowardly.

In these 2 years’ break, I had a baby, lost my weight, took on courses for acting, visited different cities.

It wasn’t fruitless, but the void is bigger than empty.

These 2 years, I struggled to understand life, death, faith, hope, love.

These 2 years, I battled with depression, sadness, anger.

These 2 years, I embraced a new life into mine, physically and metaphorically.

These 2 years have been blessed with joy and shadowed with self-doubt and uncertainty.

30 is the age of oblivion. It is true. I wondered, cried, saddened by the dissatisfaction of  my own ordinaries.


I wasn’t sure why I was so lost and unhappy with myself. Then I slowly understood, the thought of me – the very center and most special person in my own universe – is simply another ordinary human( might also as mediocre as others can be) scared me quite a bit.

These 2 years, I stopped and looked upon what I have started and yet not finished. So many stories. So many songs. So many projects. They all aborted due to my worries.

I worry too much about the future instead of consistently working on the things I love and passionate about regardless what others think.

A finished product is already something to be proud of.

Simple as that. But I didn’t take it to my heart.

2 years break is over.

I’m recharged and determined. I don’t care about the likes(not until I finish something). I don’t care about what I might think about my own work(because on a good day it’s all gold and on a bad day it’s all shit… so meself is not that trustworthy). I don’t care about how fast others succeed.

I am me. I am myself.

I do me best.

I take my own time. Do my own thing.

I will get where I want to be.

P.S. consistency is the key. Seriously.


29 august




Idiot 1: “Big” cock Sean


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It started as a joke.

I was complaining about some idiots.

Jess said, you should write a book about all these idiots.

So here it is.


Idiot 1: “Big” cock Sean

“Big” cock Sean walks the office like he’s got a big one.

I am sure you have met someone like this before but you just used a different expression.  Arms hanging down the shoulders, chest bursting out, ass cheeks squeezed back. Like a duck, but with shorter necks.

That’s the type.

“Big” cock Sean is lucky to work in this office and he knows it. He kinda looks like the alfa male gorilla caged in a tons-of-female-and-weak-males-only zoo.

Some might say he fucks around because he is attractive.

Agreed and disagreed.

Let’s do some math here:

In a normal heterosexual 50%50% environment. I mean:

– The supply of decent sized penises = decent tightened vaginas

The average male height >  or = female height

The average prettiness = the average handsomeness

Equal incomes.

Then Attractiveness of a male = personality

But if we are in a 20%80% environment. I mean:

– The supply of decent sized penises =  20% of the decent tightened vaginas

Only 20% of the average male height > or = female height

20 % of the average prettiness = the 100% of average handsomeness

Equal incomes.

Then Attractiveness of a male is only equal to how many decent guys showed up at Happy hour +  How drunk she was.

Thus, it’s not fair to say “Big” cock Sean is attractive judging on the number of girls he one-night-standed with. But it’s also not fair to say he is totally useless. At least he looks like he’s got a big one.

That confidence needs to be recognised.

The best thing about “Big” cock Sean is that he makes you believe his bullshit totally makes sense.

The worst thing about “Big” cock Sean is that it only takes a few hours(for the naives) or much less to realise his bullshit is so bullshitty that he looks totally incompetent.

An ancient wise Chinese man once said: a real mastermind knows how to cover his bullshit as long as possible and leave people lingering over the illusion. “Big” cock Sean fails doing so.

I was once friend with this idiot. One day I got so fed up and I simply faded myself away.

To be continued… ;)